The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
