you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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