I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
