Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
