im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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