Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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