Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
