is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
