I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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