Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize