So drunk, too bad you don't want this
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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