i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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