how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
