"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
