Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
