In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
