guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize