wrigley field is MILF paradise
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
