Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
