I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
