How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
