he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
