Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Can i not drive my cunt home
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
