This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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