Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
