I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
