Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
