You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
