i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, beer. Big fan.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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