woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
