WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
