I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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