I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
