So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
