You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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