Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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