last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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