then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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