I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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