I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
