I feel great
I just peed on a car
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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