cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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