i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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