Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
