Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
