This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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