my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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