He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
