GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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