Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize