he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
