you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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