I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Randomize
