I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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