that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
