sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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