We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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