i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
