toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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