while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
