Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
