it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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