the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
