Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
