Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
