I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
