Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
