worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
