she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
