whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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