I'm passing your future prison.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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