we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
